Christians can be divided into 5 families: the Church of the
East, Oriental Orthodoxy, Eastern Orthodox, Roman Catholicism and
Protestantism.
Although the first two
are theologically distinct, they have less than 100 million members between
them, so nobody really cares.
The Eastern Orthodox Church has 300 million
members, but isn’t that interesting from a spotter’s perspective as its various
species usually have boring, self-explanatory names such as the Russian Orthodox
Church or the Bulgarian Orthodox Church. Be aware though, if you are keeping
individuals from the Eastern Orthodox Church in a caged habitat they are prone
to fight when placed in close proximity.
While Catholicism is massive, with 1.2
billion followers, species are generally small and mostly concerned with
variations on the liturgies used in different countries, usually based on
slightly different scriptures or using a local language to the standard
‘Catholic’ rituals.
For the dedicated spotter, Protestantism is the equivalent
of the Brazilian rainforest. Why not try your luck against the following list of the most common, easiest to spot species:
Lutherans: the
whole reason there are Protestants. Martin Luther launched the Protestant
Reformation in 1517 with his whacked out ideas – basically that scripture, and
not the Catholic Church, is the final authority on matters of faith.
Calvinists: Split
from the Lutherans because they don’t believe that Jesus Christ is actually in the bread and wine of the
Eucharist.
Presbyterians:
Calvinists from Scotland.
Baptists: don’t
baptise babies because babies don’t know what’s going on. If you want to get baptised you have to ask.
Anabaptists: same
as the Baptists but they came up with the idea separately.
Anglicans: basically
the broader name for the Church of England. It started when Henry VIII
renounced papal authority so he could divorce Catherine of Aragon in 1533. It incorporated
elements of both Catholicism and the Protestant Reformation via acts of
parliament in 1558 and 1559.
Methodists: split
from the Anglicans because they don’t believe that all events have been willed
by God.
Pentecostals:
emerged from Methodism. They believe that the Bible is literally true and in
such things as divine healing and speaking in tongues.
Quakers: Split
from the Anglicans. They believe that you can access God directly. No priests are required as intermediaries.
Seventh Day
Adventists: grew out of the Millerites (who grew out of the Baptists).
Jesus is coming back in the very near future and Saturday, not Sunday, is the
proper holy day.
Mormons: believe God
revealed himself to Joseph Smith. Smith published the Book of Mormon in 1830 as
a complement to the Bible.
Jehovah’s Witnesses:
look back to the early church. Believe Armageddon is just around the corner.
Unitarians:
believe there’s just one God, not a trinity.
1 comment:
Too funny! I reckon Wesleyan's decided to let people call them Methodists coz he had such a shit surname.
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